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what am I doing?

je dois écrire un monologue ou une scène pour mon audition d'école dramatique.
j'aimerais écrire sur le concept d'identité parce que c'est l'un des rares thèmes où je ne m'arrête pas de parler. 
je fais appel à vos expériences et ressentis: 
qu'est-ce que l'identité ? qu'est-ce qui te rends toi ? quelle est ta relation avec ton identité ? 
16.2 : word dump, study n°473

fake friends don't want you to ask questions 
foolish trends don't want you to be different 
elefant in the room why didn't I see it coming 
it's all there until you don't shy away from it 
no more
no more lies no more fake smiles 
real deal i search for the deep truths
already hurt, give it to me rough, no hard feelings 
i feel nothing for you no more 
so for real just be real, be honest let the mask fall, cancel the call 
i don't got time to waste my time 
cut the hypocrisy, where's your integrity
my energy is bliss she don't deserve this mess -protect
in case you can't respect me, care to respect yourself. 
Maybe I'll start feeling better when I'll admit I feel like shit?
no need to numb me.
no need to numb me?
nurtured my experience, my connection to the divine 
tho i'm naturally prone to transcending the earthly realms 
do i need help? pretending i'm in control, takin on Michael's mental 
down to earth he was my safety he was my war. 
now what's good? i have a plan. i tend to forget it, 
sticky notes all over my flat 
i'm bad at staying in touch with reality. 
my mind's in a motion world, molding my notes molding my faults 
am i up to the task to keep myself grounded and take care of my crazy ass? 

all i woulda given you, i give to me
So what's the concept of this anyway? You write whatever comes to your mind and if you put it public y'all just chitchat publicly? 
Now I have a list of what I got to do to be the better me. It's funny this concept of always aiming for something different. Of looking elsewhere than where you are now. We've been places, we've done a lot already. But our generations are cursed with a constant feeling of not being enough. Core wound, I call the doctor: Hey Doc', what can I do? Tell me how to live 'cause I don't know. We live by imitation. Who is this "Imitation Game" song from again? Oh no, it's also a movie, right?  My Mercury is in Pisces, sorry from jumping from one subject to the other, my brain can't sit still - and I low-key just be blurring it so only the real ones can stick. Got trust issues. But hey I'm taking risks, I'm writing for the whole world to see. 
I have a global dilemma going on: which language should I write in? I have been feeling disconnected to french lately and been wanting to reconnect to my heart, to who I grew up to be. But there's something I don't feel at peace with with french. I criticize myself too much. My over-intellectualizing Aquarius dad's voice is on my left shoulder, tryna get me to be critical and "woke". I am woke, Dad. Way more than so many people, or maybe not enough? Here we go again. Shit.