The Double StandardI had a conversation with my brother last night... One that still bothers me the day after as soon as I wake up because I didn't get to let everything I had to say out of my system.
He comes up to me saying something like that and that's how the conversation goes :
- "Tik Tok is so strange, I saw on my friend's phone a woman feeding her baby with her breast, isn't that weird to show that to everyone ?"
- "Why do you think it's weird ?" I replied.
- "Well everyone can see her, doesn't that make her uncomfortable?"
-"Well if she shows herself on camera probably not, and it's not really weird, women have been breastfeeding their baby since the beginning of times even in public... " I said.
-"Yeah but, everyone can see her boobs !" He added.
- " Yeah... she's breastfeeding, obviously her boobs are showing..." I said, then I asked " But why does it makes you uncomfortable...? You have a chest too you know ...?"
-"Yeah but I don't have boobs !" He then said sure of himself.
-"Yes you do ..? " I said confused. " You have the same organs, with skin, a muscle, a nipple, and in your case even a little bit of fat, it's the exact same..."
He stayed silent.
-"If you were walking on the beach in your bathing suit everyone could see you the same way people can see you trough their screen, so why is it weird on camera... ? Plus you're not hiding your chest on the beach, so why should she hide her's ? Doesn't she has the same rights as you do ? If you were bare chest on social media no one would tell you anything, why could she not do the same and be left alone ?"
- "Yeah but it's on Tik Tok, there are kids on that app !" He said, sounding frustrated.
- "And ...? How is that relevant ? I find it more weird that people aged from 10 to 13 years old or younger have access to social media were adults post their lives, if you want my honest opinion... Plus if you give your kids access to social media, the parents should be careful with the content that their kids are watching... Why would it have to be the majority's job to restrict themselves just because parents don't do their job properly ?" I stated with all honesty thinking it was common sense.
At that point of the conversation I started to notice where the problem was in my brother's behavior and the misogyny behind it.
-" She's just breastfeeding her baby... She's not hurting anyone, and in my opinion if I was a new mother I would probably appreciate tips from other mothers on how to care for your baby or breastfeeding..." I said calmly, even tho I was very disappointed on the inside.
At that point of the conversation I was sitting on the couch still and even tho I was worried by my brother's reasoning, I remained interested by the conversation and wanted to go on, I was genuinely enjoying myself. But then my brother stood up from the couch where we were sitting and said something along the lines like -" Well, I'm done talking, that doesn't mean anything to continue, we're not gonna agree on that anyway !"
-"But-" I said. Then he walked away...
I was genuienly confused by what just happened, but then, like I often do after a conversation with someone, I analyzed... I analyzed what he had said and I could'nt put my finger on why I was so frustrated when thinking back to the things he said... until I realized that he had ran away...
Like people who are wrong, my brother had ran away when I succeeded in demonstrating by A plus B that what he said was incorrect and unjustified.
This is not the first time that conversations like that happen with male members of my family.
The more I think about this episode the more things I think about that could have been added to the conversation... For example :
-"But you watch porn right? And in those that are depicting women like objects for male pleasure you can also see boobs, so why does a woman breastfeeding her baby on camera makes you uncomfortable ? Smells like a double standard to me..."
-" Those are the same standards that are keeping sexism and mysogyny alive... Please open a book about the condition of women in our modern society and stop following what everyone says like a sheep...Educate yourself."
There are so many things that I could have added if I had the time and the occasion, I could have gone all night about this, but see I didn't because I wasn't given permission by my brother to finish speaking. He walked away from the conversation, often like males do when they feel that they are loosing... The same way we won't let women in parliaments or senates all around the world speak when it's their turn, they are either shut down, not given the permission to speak at all, or walked away from when it's their turn to talk.
I am so over this. Stop pretending I have the same rights as you do. You do not let me state my opinions, you do not let me walk in peace in the streets, you do not let me do what I want with my body, you shame me if I do, you shame me if I'm "too easy", you shame me if I'm " not opened enough". What rights do I have ? Fuck. This. Shit.
I won't stay silent anymore, and I will walk around bare feet on boken glass if I have to, if that means I can have those rights. TRY ME.
