Loss of productivity and the mindset of a loser
It's strange how the term "productivity" can trigger positive and negative emotions at the same time.
We feel accomplished when we had a fuflilling day, a "productive day". But as soon as we let our guard down and we choose rest over "productivity" we feel out of place. Like we should do something and accomplish things instead of lying around all day and be "unproductive". We feel ashamed if we delay a task that should have been done the moment we woke up this morning, or at a specific time of the day.
For a long time, I use to labelize people that didn't have a mindset of "productivity" as lazy people, and I, was myself fitting into that categorie. But lately I realized, it's not really about productivity anymore, its more about "how much steps can you take to go towards your goal in the 24 hours a day that you have ?". If you're being "productive" but what you are being productive about doesn't give you in a sense of accomplishment, then you can be productive all you want in your 24 hours a day, you won't be satisfied.
I don't have a goal right now. I don't like to admit it to myself, and honestly I'm still ashamed when I think about it. That in my 20 years of life I didn't find anything that makes me wanna wake up in the morning. But that's the truth. I'm studying law in college even tho I have no clue what I want to do once I reach my 3 or 5 years of hard work.
For the longest time I thought I was gonna break at some point and just fuck everything up like I do sometimes. But the truth is, even though I don't have a goal right now, doesn't mean I'm necessary lost or anything like that. I'm still searching the reason I want to wake up every morning and the type of work I want to accomplish things into. That, in itself is a good enough reason not to lose hope or not throw everything away. It's the purpose of a human being after all. Searching for the big "why"...
"Why do you wake up every morning ?"
"Why are you sad about this ?"
"Why do you wanna hold this person's hand ?"
"Why does you heart beat so fast when you jump into the water from that cliff ?"
Searching for the big "Why", is in itself an accomplishment. A reason to feel proud about yourself. And a form of productivity. It takes time to know what you want to accomplish. It takes time to know yourself. Some people find their big "Why" at four, or fifteen, or fifty, or eighty years old.
"Not all those who wander are lost" once said Tolkien in the Lord of the ring.
Realizing this in itself changed me into a more productive person. I can accomplish a lot more in my day than I would have a few months back. I still have moments when I lose a little of that productivity but now I know why I wake up. And the reason is to find my big "Why".
Créé Il y a 2 mois, Modifié Il y a 2 mois